What Would They Do Without Vanderpump?


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Seven weeks! It has been seven weeks since I last wrote anything about this show. After my last blog, I felt drained and demotivated. Many of you expressed understanding while others tried their best to encourage me to keep going BUT how could I? Nothing much was happening and every episode for the past seven weeks were filled with the same thing…NOTHING. However, I’ll give to you a quick recap.

Season 9 Episode 15 – One Wedding and a Polygraph

The episode began where we left off, with Lisa Vanderpump (LVP) getting ready to take the polygraph test to prove she had nothing to do with any plan to expose Dorit, whether it was by Teddi or through Radar Online. I can’t believe this was what she felt compelled to do in order to clear her name. As she had echoed since the beginning of this hashtag: puppygate, she was innocent of the accusations and the polygraph test proved her right. Would this be enough for the women? At that point they’d already made their minds up that the actual truth didn’t matter as nothing she did was going to satisfy their thirst for taking her down. 

After we saw Kyle complaining about all she had to do for Camille’s wedding, they finally arrived in Hawaii. They had some fun moments that I really enjoyed it but it didn’t take long before LVP’s was brought. Kyle happened to be the one to announce to the group that LVP took a lie detector test. Instead of showing some type of “relief” that at least they’d get some truth, they started questioning LVP’s reasons for doing the test in the first place. They even said she was taking things too far by doing that. Kyle gave one of the most scripted reasons as to how she found about the test that I’ve ever heard of. I may not be from Beverly Hills but I, like Kyle, know what’s real and what’s fake and that whole story was fake. The producers must really think the viewers are a bunch of empty minded folk to believe Kyle’s ridiculous story.

Camille got married and she looked truly beautiful. I was happy to see her so happy. If only she knew how much negativity Kyle had been spewing about her wedding. I was disgusted.

Season 9 Episode 16 – Meet Rinna Jayne

Ugh! I rolled my eyes so far back as I could when I saw the title for this episode. What a joke! After Camille’s gorgeous wedding, the women headed back to California. While on their way to the airport, Rinna happened to be on her phone and saw an article about an interview Camille did prior to wedding. In the interview, Camille expressed she would have liked LVP to be at her wedding but she understood why she wouldn’t be attending. This is something Camille said to LVP herself when she visited her. The women didn’t like that and thought Camille was being two-faced because she said she understood LVP’s plight, totally ignoring the fact that Camille said to them as well that she would still have liked LVP to attend. This prompted Rinna to mention that Camille had said things behind Dorit’s back in September, basically one month after. I suppose Rinna wouldn’t have said anything if Camille joined in on the bashing of LVP. If I were Dorit, I’d keep Rinna at arms length for keeping this information till it suited her. To quote Erika, “that’s not friendship, that’s bullsh’t”.

The rest of the episode was a build up to a Halloween birthday party Kyle held for her eldest daughter, Farrah. The women dressed in what they deemed to be buzzworthy costumes. What was Dorit even wearing?!  As the title suggested, Rinna showed up to Kyle’s dressed as Erika from Coachella. She looked more like Michella Pfeiffer dressed as Harley QuinnKyle begged them to not bring up anything to Camille about what was said in the bus on the way to the airport in Hawaii because it was Farrah’s night. Kim Richards showed up and Rinna used this as an opportunity, yet again, to attack Kim by using the costume she wore as an excuse to call Kim’s behaviour toward her “c*nty”. This time, her bestie (Denise) butted in and for the first time in 16 episodes she had something to say. Too bad it was at Kim’s expense. I knew Denise’s down to earth, laid back persona was just a guise for herKyle, as we’ve come to know and expect, didn’t stick up for Kim in that moment. Kim and Rinna got a chance to speak and both apologised for things they did. I don’t think Kim owed Rinna any apologies but oh well…

Season 9 Episode 17 – A Double Shot of Brandi

This was truly one of the most boring episodes of the series. As we’ve come to expect every season, the women were due for a cast trip. We spent about 10 minutes of the episode with Kyle calling Chateau Ventoux in Provence, France to finalise dates for the trip, 4 days before they were scheduled to leave, while trying to get one of her dogs to keep quiet. I still don’t know why she didn’t just go into another room or why we had to watch this scene for that long. I now understand why fans were annoyed, watching her clip Mauricio’s toenails. That’s not entertainment.

Kyle met the women for lunch and she filled them in on the plans for the trip. They acted like they didn’t know about this trip before the season started. At this point I’d love for the producers of these shows to stop acting like these trips aren’t planned before the season starts and that they determine who will show up. Rinna mentioned that she would like Camille to be invited so she could tell Dorit what she had said about her. They all started laughing and that they’ll gang up on Camille in FranceSince at this point it was evident LVP would no longer be around them, they needed a new target and Camille was it.

Shockingly, well not really, Brandi Glanville showed up to meet Denise for drinks. These new producers really had it out for LVP to bring in Brandi on to further add to lies being told all season. She spent all of 6 minutes bashing LVP, stating that LVP damaged her life, still not taking any accountability for opening her own mouth to try and degrade Joanna Krupa on Watch What Happens LiveI wasn’t even surprised that she had nothing else to talk about than LVP because that’s all she’s been doing since she was fired back in season 5. I had an inkling that she was going to be invited on the trip and I was right. Denise decided to invite her and like the desperate wreck she is, she accepted. Denise really knows how to pick them, huh? Viewers were also angered by this scene because the producers invited Brandi to bash LVP as well a ruse to get her on the trip, all while cutting out LVP’s scene she filmed with The Trevor Project

Kyle, Teddi and Rinna were then on their way to the airport when they called Denise to see what was up due to the Woolsey FiresDenise sounded panicked as she exclaimed she had never seen anything like that before and she didn’t know whether her home was safe or not. Wanna know what the “caring” friends said to her? They told her they hope she makes it to the airport for the trip since they would be there till 3pm. UNBELIEVABLE. Camille was next up on the list for them to call and she basically repeated what Denise said and she made it known she wouldn’t make the trip. You’d think that with their friends going through something of that nature that these women would postpone the trip that none of them were paying for but noooo, they still hopped on a plane and to France they went. You know who was there to help the community, LVP.

Season 9 Episode 18 – Pardon Our French 

Rinna, Teddi, Dorit, Erika and Kyle made it to Provence. The chateau was beautiful and looked like the perfect place to vacation. Sadly, I couldn’t appreciate its beauty because they still went ahead on a trip knowing full well what was happening back in CaliforniaYes, they’ll claim there was nothing they could’ve done and that the trip was booked in advance for X amount of people but they weren’t footing the bill, at least not all of it. Besides, they’re rich. They can afford to lose whatever money spent for the trip cuz if they could choose the chateau, which amounts to almost $10,000 a night, then money is not a problem, right? Unless you’re Dorit, Erika and Kyle whose husbands are being sued for millions. 

They went for some outing in a local market and started talking about eating disorders. Rinna shared a little bit about what her daughter was going through and then Kyle admitted that she, too, had experienced her share of eating disorders. This was the first time she had ever spoken about this on camera in 9 seasons which is really shocking. She mentioned she wants her daughters to love themselves and not yield to societal pressures about a beauty standard. I commended Kyle for sharing this but can’t help thinking how contradictory her speech was given she said on the camping trip that the Kardashians are now the face of body positivity. How could she even say that with a straight face? As usual, they took a shot at LVP by stating they feel better opening up to each other without fear of being judged. Utter rubbish! LVP had never judged any of them, especially Erika as she was the one who made the comment. LVP embraced her from the moment they met while the others looked up her videos and turned up their noses.

Kyle and Teddi then brought up what Rinna did at the Halloween party and asked Erika if she wasn’t angry at Rinna. Sounds familiar? This was the same play they used on LVP in episode 1 at the centre when Kyle got mad that LVP wasn’t showing any anger toward Dorit for giving away Lucy, which caused her to end up in a kill shelter. Erika told them she as fine with it and they kept prodding her, hoping she agreed with them. Erika seemed to have spotted what Kyle and Teddi were up to and shut it down fast like she usually does everything. 

Season 9 Episode 19 – Thirst Impressions

They learnt Camille’s house was burned while Denise’s was okay and still didn’t think to cut the trip short. A rose tasting was organised and Erika didn’t seem pleased to even be there at that point. She can’t really hide her annoyance, no matter what she says. They suggested doing impersonations of each other and again, Erika wasn’t having it. Later, Kyle and Teddi decided to bring up the issue again about Rinna dressing like Erika, attacking Kim. Erika stormed off but not before saying that she felt like she was being bullied and being pushed out of the group. This was either one of the most rehearsed dinner arguments ever or…who am I kidding? They needed something to happen on the trip because they literally were a boring quintet. 

It is often said that when people drink, they reveal their true selves and Kyle and Teddi showed that they do not like Erika because she doesn’t get involved nor looks like she enjoys being around them. They’re not wrong. I’ve been saying this since she joined in season 6. 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.

CHATTERBOX KEIRN

Author: Keirn

Realist. Gobby. Juror #8. Follow me on twitter @keirnthomas. I watch a lot of tv and have a lot to say.

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