Often times, we as humans, because of our imperfect state of existence, tend to try our best to stage our lives for public approval. Notice the use of the pronouns “we” and our “our” as I, too, fall in this mold. Why do we do this? This is a question asked by many and have been answered by those who think they have the best response to give. The truth is none of us can accurately give a response that can be deemed as “the one” as this dilemma can be fueled by a plethora of factors.
Mind you, this is not another blog to try and provide any sort of answers, nor is it being written to gain popularity. It’s simply a blog on one of the many things that is always on my mind. It is being written in the simplest of language due to my limited vocabulary and the fact that I’m just too lazy to care for any other additions to said vocabulary at this point.
You’re probably wondering what the title of this piece means followed by a, why did I choose to write about it? Esse Non Videri is latin for To Be And Not To Seem. This affects all facets of life but for me, this is in relation to what we see on the television as well as for us on a day to day basis. We should remember that when things are shown to us on television, as in any other media, it is normally edited a whole lot before the public sees it. So what we see may not necessarily be the whole scene. However, editing can only do so much and no more…right?
These words speak volume as to how we should conduct ourselves. I have always tried to show the same face to everyone I come across in my lifetime; whether it is family or friend, or even foe (rare for me but not so sure if I’m anyone’s foe). Do I sometimes fail, you bet I do! But that I don’t let that deter me from being true to Brand KT. Many have their perceptions of us, and as I tweeted the other day, we are defined by what we put out to the public. Therefore, we shouldn’t be surprised at times on how we are viewed…right? I also mentioned that we should be careful of how we introduce ourselves to the world, because the world will never forget. This advice, ties in well with my current thoughts as we often seem to be something else to everyone with whom we interact.
Who am I really, to be writing like this when I have demons of my own that need to be expelled? I mean, I always have the unpopular opinion which normally starts some irrelevant and unnecessary dialogue that really gets under my skin. People go as far as to say I do this for attention. Really??? Who among us likes being berated? This leads me to think you don’t even know me even when you thought you knew me. Yes this may sound hypocritical because I “judge” celebrities so harshly but is it really hypocritical, when they put their lives on the television for us to do just that? I mean they are only paid thousands of dollars just for us to critique. I definitely don’t enjoy the backlash but hey, that’s how my brain works and I can only change my opinions so many times to suit so many people. After all, if WE agreed on everything, how very Pleasantville things would be. BORE!!!!
A good friend of mine said to me last summer that I have not changed in the years we’ve been friends. I was reminded that I was always a people pleaser and not one for confrontation. My, was that friend ever wrong…NOT! Even recently, someone that I would now consider a friend told me that I am the same Keirn in every situation that I’ve been observed in and that is respectable. Were they lying to stroke my ego? I can’t say for sure but why would they?
Of course, there is a flip side to this like most things. I’ve been told numerous times by a host of people that I’m unfeeling, calculative and strategic. These people must have gotten together and decided they were going to conspire against me….JOKING. Esse Non Videri Keirn, what’s wrong with you? What could have led them to those conclusions? From my own lens, I thought I dealt with everyone in the same manner but I guess I was fooling myself…right? I can’t deny what they have said wholeheartedly, because I do admit that I err, and growth is the new binge…right?
You see if I’m being all those things, I know who I am so I own it. I don’t have to hide behind social media as I have always been a “chatterbox” (finally admitting this to myself) and I’ve always had an opinion, it’s just that, now people know. Sometimes, I do keep my mouth shut and my fingers from typing away, because I want to be LIKE and LIKED BY everyone. It’s easier this way; the backlash is almost always unwarranted and so hateful just because our opinions differ. I may be neglecting my own mean remarks here but hey I can err…right? At this point, I wear the “socially accepted” hat and take the stage. –pauses for applause– People love this. They love when you’re blowing sunshine up their a** es. As horrible as this may be, we all do it at some point, even the very independent among us. Esse Non Videri. I’m not BEING at this juncture, only SEEMING but that shouldn’t matter because I’m being liked…right? WRONG.
If I have to wear all black to an all white event just to stay true to my hatred for white, I’ll do it. If it means sticking to my guns and disliking the fictional character Olivia Pope because of what and who she represents intimately, then I’ll do it. Heck, I’ll forever be Juror #8. Like I told a close friend over the weekend, I may be a part of the roots but in my eyes, I’ll be leaf. Go figure!
I think it’s best I end my thoughts here as I’ve been drinking while writing and I’m not sure how much of it makes sense. Which is more important; To Be and Not To Seem or To Seem and Not To Be?